Numb Like Me
by Doverit
Summary: Set in the season 5, Alexandria-world. Daryl and Sasha are both hurting. Comfort and smut ensues.


Daryl couldn't sleep. He felt numb anymore, all but dead inside, but that was nothing new. The insomnia was new. Even after everything with Merle…Beth, he could still sleep wherever he fell. He had nightmares, and often woke-up feeling worse than before he rested, but he slept. No, this time was different. He was restless. This place- Alexandria, just didn't seem right. Frustrated that he couldn't shake this uneasy feeling, he chewed relentlessly over his thumbnail in the darkness until he'd tasted blood. Finally, fed-up, he got up and started moving. He knew he'd feel better if he investigated a little, get the lay-of-the-land so to speak. Maybe then he could relax enough to get some damn rest.

Shouldering his crossbow, he moved silently through Rick's new McMansion where his friends were sleeping, still heaped altogether like puppies in the living room. Most seemed to be adjusting well to Alexandria. He himself didn't trust it, and he knew the people of Alexandria didn't trust him neither. Not that he gave a rat's ass about that.

His family blended well with this community. Outwardly at least, they were adjusting much better than him. They knew how to play the game. What to say, what to do, to make new people feel comfortable around them, to fit in. Hell, Carol was swapping freakin' cookie recipes already!

Daryl had no such social skills himself. No guile whatsoever. What you see is what you get with him, and what people usually saw...was a threat. Truth is, they were right. He'd do whatever to keep his people safe. So yeah, he was a threat. No sense pretending otherwise.

He scanned over his sleeping family once more. No matter how they acted around these others, he knew that where and how they felt safe enough to sleep was more

telling than anything they might say or do during the day. And here they all were, still stuck altogether in Rick's living room. This Alexandria place, no matter how enticing, would still have to earn their trust.

He headed out on the front porch, lit a cigarette, took a deep drag and paused to nod to Abraham who had late watch.

"Going out?" The big man asked.

"Maybe. Gonna take a walk first, check out the neighborhood." He said by way of an explanation.

"Seems insomnia's catching. Sasha's already out." Abraham offered.

"Outside the wall?" Daryl asked, narrowing his eyes at the other man as he blew out the smoke from his first drag.

"Yeah. She took her Bowie knife, some picture frames. Using 'em for target practice, she said." He replied.

"You let her go?" Daryl asked, arching an eyebrow at the larger man. Target practice? In the middle of the night? What kind of nonsense was that?!

It was no secret within their group that Sasha was struggling right now. They all were, but Sasha had all the more reasons to mourn their recent dead. Her lover and her brother- so recently murdered. It was shitty all around that's for sure.

"What reason could I give for stopping her?" Abraham said, guilt coloring his gruff tone. "If she wasn't already back, I was gonna on check on her when my watch is over." He added, letting Daryl know that he too realized there was reason to be concerned.

"Hmmm. I'll go check on her." Daryl mumbled, meeting Abraham's gaze.

"Good." The big man replied, grunting out his thanks before turning back to do his duty and watch over their staid surroundings.

Daryl scanned briefly over each building between Rick's house and the main gate. He had hoped to take his time and really explore, but now his worry for Sasha took precedence. Maybe, after he found her, he could talk her into exploring with him. Should be enough time before dawn to cover a few blocks worth anyway, especially with both of them doing the searching.

As he passed through town on his way to the gate, the first thing he noticed was that most of the buildings were uninhabited and wide-frickin-open. To Daryl that meant three things. First, there was not enough people to mount a defense in the event of an attack. Second, the people that were here were too trusting. And finally, this Deanna lady was an ineffective leader for allowing the first two things to stand. He could also see that besides Abraham, there were no other guards or patrols keeping watch or wandering the empty streets. When he finally reached the main gate, he saw that it too was unguarded.

Were these people for real?

Grabbing the large lever to release the gate's main lock, Daryl paused. He remembered that the lock was loud. The big doors were too, when they opened and closed. He was concerned that the noise would alert the town's people. He huffed to himself. Maybe not, maybe the naive and trusting dumbasses would snooze right-on through it? He decided not to risk it.

The wall was easy enough to scale near the closed gate, both inside and out, which in Daryl's mind made this big-ass wall more decorative than practical. He reckoned that's how Sasha most likely got out as well. Readjusting his weapons for the climb, he quickly made his way up and over the imposing structure.

Checking his new surroundings with a well-practiced sweep before he made a move, Daryl couldn't help but think on the utter stupidity of the Alexandria community. They took no precautions. Must not think they needed too. Probably thought the wall was all they needed. The world had changed completely and they just didn't get it. He

guessed being locked-away like that, they were able to cling to the old ways, hadn't had to get their hands dirty. They'd gone on living like things were still the same. He almost felt sorry for them. When this place fell, and it would fall, these people would all be slaughtered like cattle.

If they were lucky that is, he thought frowning, his memory flashing-back to the utter-depravity of Joe's group. Torture, rape, mutilation, these were all the spoils for any stronger group who would be so inclined to want them. And Daryl knew without a doubt, that there was people who would want them. The world was a sick, fucked-up place. It was true before the outbreak, and it's is most certainly true now.

Shaking-off the gruesome thoughts to focus on the task at hand, he looked down and smirked when he easily found Sasha's boot print. It wasn't far from his own prints, right outside the main gate. Her print was pressed-in deep and easy to spot, telling the hunter that his friend had climbed the wall and had jumped the last few feet down, landing hard, but sure. The other less imbedded footprints near the first set let him know she hadn't been injured in the climb, but had quickly moved on to wherever she was going.

Taking his time, he stealthily moved through the area, hoping to see Sasha before she spotted him. He definitely didn't want to startle her and be mistaken for a threat. She was a good marks-woman with her guns and with her knives. Daryl didn't relish either thing peppering his ass tonight.

There was a good moon, which made tracking her a hell of a lot easier than he had hoped. Daryl spotted her within minutes. She was targeting knives in tree trunks in a small clearing beside the sparse woods that surrounded the town. He was close enough to hear the dull thunk of her blade as it hit the wood, cutting deep if he had to guess.

Even from this distance, he could see that his friend was tense. He normally fluid movements were hesitant, agitated. He decided to sit back and stay hidden for now. See if he could gleam anything from watching her before he made his presence known.

He watched as she retrieved her knife from the tree and walked back to the targeting area. She was wearing a tank top and jeans. The night was warm, so that in itself wasn't odd, except that ever since Bob's death, Daryl couldn't remember her ever taking off his worn army jacket. She wore it constantly, even slept in it, no matter what the weather, since the day they buried him.

He watched her examine her knife, turning it over in her delicate hand. Daryl could see the blade's dull gleam shining in the pale moonlight. Then suddenly, she sliced it across her own arm, causing blood to spill and run down in rivulets, raining down onto the ground below.

She didn't even flinch.

"Sasha! What the hell?!" Daryl barked out, both revealing himself and startling her, causing her to drop the knife.

"Daryl?" She questioned, her voice sounding dull and tired, nothing at all like the scared-squeak he was expecting to jump out of her mouth after sneaking up on her in the dark like he did. It was freakin eerie seeing her clutching her bloody forearm and sounding so calm, like she just woke up from a damn nap.

He advanced on her quickly, getting right in her space, searching out her eyes. She kept her gaze down, not wanting to look at him, but he grabbed her chin roughly, forcing her face up so she'd have to look right at him. Her big brown eyes, that normally sparked with wit and mischief locked with his, devoid of expression and completely listless. Daryl pursed his lips tight at the sight.

"I said, what the hell, Sasha?! Why you doing this?" He growled, letting go of her chin to roughly grab her wrist, turning it over so the self-inflicted wound was on display. He was grateful at least to see it was a shallow cut. It didn't look like she'd severed any arteries or tendons.

After a moment under his intense scrutiny, Sasha seemed to get over the shock of his intrusion. She tried to yank her arm back out of his iron-grip. He responded by squeezing tighter, and gripping her other hand as well. Looking closer, he was horrified to see a series of other cuts, all in different stages of healing, going up and down both of her arms.

Well, that explains why she wore Bob's army jacket day and night! It wasn't just a comfort item, she used the bulky jacket to cover-up what she was doing to herself.

God dammit.

Daryl dropped both her hands to reach into his back pocket for his rag. Working quickly, he folded the cloth over and tied it tight around Sasha's fresh wound, staunching the

blood flow. Thank God Carol had washed and dried his clothes for him, red rag included, while he was bathing this morning, knowing he would never wear the new stuff provided for him. Least he knew the cloth wasn't the germ-fest it usually was. The makeshift bandage secured, he crossed his arms in front of his own chest and waited. She huffed out a breath, looking down at her own arms, then tentatively back up at him.

When their eyes met again, he growled out just one word. "Why?"

She rocked back and forth nervously on her feet, taking so long to speak that Daryl didn't think she would. Finally, she answered him in a voice so low and shaky, that it was barely above a whisper. "Can't keep pretending that this town is ok. That it will keep us safe. Cause it won't. You know it won't. They're not prepared for what's out there, Daryl. They don't get it, they don't _know_."

"You're right. This place ain't safe." He replied honestly, waiting for her to continue. Waiting for her to explain why she was cutting up her damn arms.

"What do we do when this place falls? Then what, huh?" She asked, somehow managing to sound like a weak and scared five-year-old girl.

Despite his anger and disbelief over this whole screwed-up scene, Daryl felt his heart stir in his chest at his friend's distress. He's never seen Sasha like this. She was always the picture of confidence, intellect and strength.

She was also beautiful, of course. First thing Daryl couldn't help but notice the day she and Tyresse had first shown up at the prison, was her stunning looks. Women like that usually made a habit of ignoring men like him, so he didn't bother much with her. Then when the siblings officially joined their group, he got the chance to really know her. He liked her, despite the beauty queen looks, that made him feel uncomfortable. Turned out, she was so much more than just a pretty face and figure. The woman he knew was a damn warrior, fierce and sure in the face of any danger they'd come across. Daryl had never thought twice when she was backing him up, and that was sayin' something. He trusted her with his life.

That's why he was having a hard time understanding how the woman he knew and cared for, could do such a thing to herself. It pissed him off that things had gotten this bad and none of them had noticed. Sasha needed help. All of them were damaged in one way or another but she was obviously way worse off then any of them realized.

"When it falls, we move on." Daryl finally said. "This place, weak as it is, it's important to our people right now. They need a rest. They need to believe that they're safe."

"Why? Why should we pretend?" She said, venom beginning to lace her fragile voice.

"For them, Sasha. They're all we got, and they need this right now." He answered simply.

Her face suddenly grew hard. "You know they won't make it, right?" She asked him.

"You don't know that." He said, shaking his head in disagreement.

Before his eyes, her expression began to twist and change to one of anger. He was glad to see it. Let her get angry. He'd rather her pissed-off then closed-off, beating herself up...hurting herself just to feel something.

"Tell me you realize they're all going to die, Daryl? Tell me that you understand that our family…everyone we know is going to die!" She spit out, her fury growing by the second.

"No." He said firmly. "They're not."

She jumped up, ready to stomp away from him, but he was quicker. He grabbed her arm, careful not to grip the fresh wound, and stopped her in her tracks. She looked back at him with such hatred that he almost let her loose, but didn't. He couldn't let her take off like this. No telling what she'd do in this frame of mind. Furious at being trapped, she yanked her arm harder, but he held tight, hoping like hell he didn't bruise her too much in the process.

"You stupid asshole! Let me go!" She hissed, her brown-eyes shooting daggers at him.

He was actually surprised she wasn't yelling, mad as she was. Then he realized they all had grown accustomed to being silent out in the open. It was a simple matter of life or death. She probably wouldn't scream, no matter how irrational and pissed-off she was right now.

Secure in the knowledge that she wasn't going to ring the dinner bell for every Walker in the area by caterwauling, he held fast and pulled her to him. She was panting,

sweating, and her eyes were wild. This close, he could smell her, and whatever flowery junk they'd given her to wash with. His nostrils instinctively flared, taking in her sweet, womanly scent.

"Call me whatever you want but I ain't letting you go until you listen to what I have to say." Daryl growled at her, meeting her hate filled gaze with his own determined one.

"Let go!" She hissed again, wrenching her arm in a way he knew had to hurt.

"No." He grunted, holding tight.

Before he could think to block her, she reared back then stomped his foot- HARD. Having successfully thrown him off balance, she then launched herself at him, knocking him over so they both went toppling to the ground. The unexpected move, had him losing his grip on her arm and she immediately scrambled to get away.

Daryl saw red, and he reacted. He couldn't help it. He was furious that she had bested him, even as a part of him admired her for it. Adrenaline pumping, he crawled over to her quick-as-a-snake and after a few moments of vicious grappling, he was finally able to regain the upper-hand by pinning her arms over her head. However, he realized that still left her long-legs free, which were at the moment desperately trying to connect with his privates.

"Can you just listen?" He managed to spit out. "Fuckin' _stop_!"

Grunting and sweating now as well, he somehow managed to pin her legs beneath his own. He was now completely on top of her still-wiggling body, pinning her firmly to the ground. Amazingly, Sasha was still fighting him, still squirming and cursing at him, desperate to get free.

Wasn't he just thinking on how much he admired her warrior's spirit? FUCK!

Daryl held fast, his muscles locked and rigid, hoping like hell she'd wear herself out before he ran out of steam. After a few more tense moments, he could feel her frenzied

struggling finally beginning to slow beneath him. He gulped a deep steadying breath, feeling his own anger began to fade away as she calmed.

Unfortunately, his anger was the thing keeping him from focusing on other things. Other very enticing things that were currently right under his nose, and every other part of his body. He could feel her heat, her firm muscles, the softness of her curves.

Everything.

_Damn_

Daryl's traitorous body was clearly enjoying their compromising position. He was achingly hard and pressed together like this, there was no way she didn't know. As if to torment him further, she chose that moment to buck-up hard against him, making his head spin and his dick throb. Annoyed and embarrassed at how she was making him feel, he pushed her down hard, pinning her roughly against the ground in a desperate attempt to keep her still.

It didn't work.

"Dammit Sasha! Knock it the hell off and just _listen_?" He growled, about out of patience..

She stared up at him with so much hatred, so much energy and emotion that she was practically vibrating with it. "Fuck...you!" She growled.

"C'mon Sasha, I don't want this. M'trying to help you." He practically groaned as she thrashed again, causing another unwanted wave of lust to pulse through him.

She looked up at him, shock and disbelief coloring her features. "Help me?" She sputtered out incredulously. "What the hell could you possibly do to help me? You can't fix this, Dixon! Even you should know that by now." She finished bitterly.

"I lost people too. Merle...Beth." He said, meeting her gaze, unfazed by her childish dig at him, hoping that reminding her he too had lost a brother and someone he loved might help. He understood her grief, her rage at the injustice of it all. And if he could somehow help her through, he would gladly do it if she'd let him.

"We're gonna die too, you know." She said angrily. "Us, them, everyone and everything. We're all gonna die, every last one of us! Tell me how you can HELP that, huh?!" She spit out, wanting to hurt him with her words since she couldn't best him physically. "We're all just animals now, fighting to go on even when there's no reason too anymore."

"Not true. Most days, I just want to die." He confessed truthfully.

"Then why don't you?" She sobbed out, trying to hold in the angry-tears that filled her eyes, spiking her lush eyelashes into little sharp points.

"You want me to die?" He asked quietly, watching her eyes blur out and the fat tears start to roll down her cheeks.

"I want _me_ to die." She whispered, tears streaming freely now. "I just want this to be over."

Daryl looked down into her anguished face. She had finally stopped struggling. He let go of her hands and waited to see if she was going to try and hit him again. When she didn't, he propped himself up on one elbow and with his other hand, cupped her tear-stained face. "I don't want you to die." He said, his gentle-tone causing fresh-tears to flow.

"Why?" She asked him, blinking, as he gently wiped the wetness from her face.

"Because you're my friend, Sasha. Because you're a good person and you deserve to live." He implored her.

"Bob and Tyresse deserved to live." She said matter-of-factly. "So did Beth, and Herschel, Merle..." She went on, challenging him to deny the truth of her words.

"Yeah, they did." He answered quietly. "But it didn't work out that way."

"Why?" She begged him. "Tell me why we should keep breathing for however long we have left, when they're just gone. Tell me why, Daryl! Please, just tell me why." She cried, her desperate plea crushing his own heart from the weight of her pain.

"Fuck Sasha, I don't know! I don't know why! Why am I alive? Why are you alive?! I don't know shit. Don't know nothing at all 'cept that I gotta keep moving, keep fighting. You can't give up. I can't keep losing people I love. I don't want you to die for a million reasons, or maybe...fuck- maybe I only need one." He said, pressing his mouth firmly against hers.

She gasped in shock, parting her lips, as he moved against her. He felt her arms on his back and he tensed for a second, thinking she might push him away, but she just pulled him closer, moaning softly against his open mouth. Desire pulsed through him at the sound, at her acceptance of him, making his whole body throb.

He hadn't realized how much he wanted this, how much he wanted every part of _her_ until this very moment. But oh, how he wanted her! So damn much. There was no logic to this, no thought. Just pure need.

His body rejoiced when he moved his tongue to stroke against hers. The feel of her soft, wet mouth had his head spinning with lust. He felt her eager hands running down his back, her short nails digging into his skin to anchor him against her. As if he'd want to be anywhere else in the whole damn world but right here.

Their contact was desperate, almost violent in its intensity. Teeth nipped, mouths sucked, and fingers grabbed at willing flesh, until they were both once again gasping for breath, this time for a wholly different reason.

Daryl's body was on fire. He felt half-crazed from the potent combination of adrenaline and pure-lust pumping through his veins. He had never been this turned-on before...ever.

Sasha was so beautiful, and she felt so damn good pressed against him like this. Rolling with her so she was now beside him, his hands moved to her pants and worked them open, yanking down the zipper, desperate to touch her. Sasha took the hint and helped him, lifting her hips to get her pants and underwear down and off. Then, she quickly removed her shirt and bra as well, leaving her completely bare before him. Daryl sucked in a breath at the exquisite sight of her nude form. They'd all caught glimpses of each other before, privacy being hard to come by. But this was different. This was for him.

Sasha grabbed at his belt, fumbling a bit to undo the buckle. Daryl reached down to help her. Within moments he too was naked. He quickly pushed whatever discarded clothing he could reach under her, trying to offer some cushion against the hard ground before he moved back over her, settling snugly between her firm thighs.

He looked down at her big, brown doe-eyes and God, he just wanted to swallow her whole. He didn't want to think. He just wanted everything she was offering, all at once, _right fucking now_.

Forcing himself to slow down, he took a ragged breath before lowering his head too once again kiss her lips before licking and sucking his way over her neck and chest. Her skin was hot and smooth under his tongue and she tasted oh, so sweet. Cupping her breast, he squeezed the taut mound before eagerly suckling over it's stiff peak. He knew he was too rough, but Sasha didn't seem to care. She cried out and arched-up against him, spurring him on, wanting more and more of everything he was giving her. And thank God because Daryl knew he'd be hard-pressed now to stop.

He felt her hand snake down between their bodies and wrap firmly around his stiff length. His dick pulsed at the contact. He saw her slight smirk before she stroked over the head lingering a bit at the tip, already wet with precome.

"C'mon!" She whispered urgently, guiding him toward her wet heat. He could do nothing but obey. Gritting his teeth, he grasped himself and pushed into her.

"Fuck." He breathed out and froze, completely overwhelmed by the feel of her.

Sasha pulled his mouth back down to hers, effectively muffling their combined moans as he finally began to move inside her. She was perfect, so tight, so fucking wet,

that he couldn't help but gasp hot breath into her mouth as he thrust into her again and again, each rough jolt sending shock-waves of pleasure pulsing through both their bodies.

She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him in deeper. He felt her start to tremble, and knew she was close. Fuck, he was too but he continued to move harder and faster against her, filling her completely with every rough thrust.

"God...Daryl, _yes_!" She whimpered against him as he felt her clench tight and flutter around him, squeezing his dick as she came.

He was right there too. Pulling out quickly, he managed only two frenzied strokes before his dick surged in his grip, pulsing streams of warm, wet come into Sasha's belly and breasts.

Still shaking, he rolled off her and sat up, quickly scanning their surroundings for any danger. Finding nothing, he handed clothes to her, after wiping her clean with his discarded sock. They dressed in silence, Daryl sneaking worried glances at her the whole time, praying he hadn't just made a bad situation worse. Not worse for him. He was great. More than great actually.

He watched her finish dressing, then look over at him, meeting his nervous gaze. He stuttered out. "I didn't expect that. I mean, that's not why I came looking for you. I was worried. Thought something could of happened to you."

"Something did happen." She joked, sounding very much like the Sasha he knew.

He breathed a sigh of relief, enormously pleased that she seemed good. "You know what I mean." He continued. "I couldn't stand the idea that you were out here all alone and hurtin'. Then to see your arms all cut-up like that...fuck Sasha, promise me you won't ever hurt yourself like that again?" He pleaded with her.

"I'll promise if you promise." She said taking his hand in hers and gently turning it over, palm-side down. With her pointer-finger, she gently traced over the puckered edge of his self-inflicted cigarette burn.

Daryl was stunned. He didn't realize anyone had noticed his burn, or would even care for that matter. Too much else to worry about besides his screwed-up issues. "That's...it's not the same thing." He sputtered.

Sasha stared at him, her eyes boring into his. "It's exactly the same thing." She said.

Daryl pursed his lips as he looked into her big brown eyes. "Yeah well, just because I'm an idiot doesn't mean you should be."

"Yeah, I'm starting to get that." She offered, flopping onto her back.

"Good." He huffed out, turning so he too was on his back, their shoulders pressed up tight against one another as they looked up at the night sky. Turning his head, he shyly looked into her eyes again as he rubbed gentle circles over their joined hands with his thumb.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"For what?" He whispered back.

"For being there when I...for being there." She answered.

I'll always be there, long as I'm able too." He said truthfully.

"Me too." She said, running her finger gently over his puckered burn scar again, making him shiver. Her lips curved into a shy smile at his reaction. "We should probably get back." She said, sighing.

"Yeah. Don't wanna though." He said flexing his fingers over hers, tightening their hold.

"Me either." She admitted, laying her head on his shoulder, snuggling into the warmth and closeness they shared.

In the distance, they both heard the unmistakable sounds of Walker groans. Not a lot, but definitely more than one was headed their way. Daryl sighed and stood up, offering a hand so Sasha could do the same.

"Should we deal with them?" She asked him.

"Nah. I'm finally clean." He said, sniffing his arm, "and I smell like you..sweet. M'not looking to ruin that with walker guts." He said with a shrug, and then immediately tensed, embarrassed by what he just revealed. When he looked up, he found her watching him, her expression curious.

"You smell like me, huh? Guess that means I smell like you too?" She asked him.

"Probably." He admitted with a snort, a shy smile playing on the corners his lips. "I like it." He admitted.

"Me too." She said meeting his gaze.

Daryl nervously cleared his throat. "I was thinking of scouting-out some of the buildings near Rick's place. Was gonna do that tonight actually before...before I found you." He said, clearing his throat again. "Could really use some backup. There's a lot of buildings..."

"Ok. Let's do it." She interrupted, grabbing-up and readying her weapons.

"Now?" He asked, surprised at her immediate approval of his plan. It had been a crazy night. He didn't think she'd be up for anything more. He was thinking tomorrow night would be best.

"Why not?" She asked. "Still some time before sunrise...unless you're too tired?"

He smirked. "You mighta wore me out." He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

Sasha giggled at him, and he felt his heart swell. After everything...a damned giggle. It made him happier than he'd care to admit to hear the silly sound. "Tomorrow then." She finally said.

He could hear the Walkers hisses echoing in the warm night air.. They were definitely getting too close for comfort. It was time head back.

"Alright smart-ass, let's go." He said nudging her shoulder playfully.

She startled him by leaning in and kissing him. When she pulled back, his eyes locked with hers and held. He knew things were fucked, and maybe it was just his hormones talking, but right now in this moment, he felt like they might be ok. He hoped that in some weird way, she was feeling the same.

"You ok?" He asked her once they were safely back over the wall in Alexandria. The sun was just peaking over the horizon, decorating the city's streets with the promise of

a new day, as they made their way back to Rick's house.

"I will be." She finally sighed and Daryl nodded.

Somehow, they'd both be.

The End.


End file.
